Thursday, April 18, 2013

Honesty with my feelings

I've been in a workout/eating healthy slump lately.
I will have a good day, then a bad and it will cycle over and over and over again.
I have lost my mojo.
I tell myself every morning that this will be the day I am back on track.
I will not overeat, I will track my calories, I will drink water, and I will workout.
But then 3:00 happens and I am drained which then leads to my inner fat girl whispering in my ear about all of the sugary and fattening food at home.
This then leads to not working out.
Which is redic because I know if I would just go to the gym then I probably won't eat crap.
I have way more self control when I put in hard work at the gym.
So, what is going on?
Why would I sabotage myself and not workout?
What the hell is wrong with me?
I have some upcoming events that I want to look good at and, hello, summer is just around the corner and I hate feeling gross in a bathing suit.
So, there is motivation to get back at it, right?
Apparently it isn't enough.
I know that I eat in stress, which I am under due to work changes, school semester ending, and teaching high school at this time of year is, well, cray cray.
It takes everything in me to keep teaching them although they could care less to learn anything and don't ever see the big picture of life.
I could go on forever about the problems of our youth, but I'll save you from that  and get off my soap box.
I tell myself, if only I had friends to work out with at the gym, I would do better.
I would love to work out with my friends every day.
They kick ass and are huge motivators!
But it isn't possible, so I have to get over it.
I'm not just being lazy.
There is some underlying reason on why I do this, but I just can't quite figure it out.
Is it self-doubt that I can't ever achieve the body I truly want?
Is it not feeling that I deserve "that" body?
Or maybe it is just stress and time...
So, I've sat here thinking about it and how today is a new day, again.
I need to do this for me.
I need to make myself feel better because I've been satisfying the fatty in me, but emotionally I've been feeling pretty crappy.
My clothes have gotten tighter and there are some clothes that I still fit in, but they are too snug for me to feel good in.
I got rid of all of my bigger clothes a few months ago because I told myself that if I start gaining again then I will have to suffer.
I refuse to buy bigger clothes.
We all have slip ups and if you are like me then it all goes in cycles.
I have a few months that are awesome, then a month that isn't great.
But I always jump back into the groove.
I get over my self doubt and stress and move on.
And guess what, I feel GREAT again.
I build muscle, self esteem, confidence, and healthy relationships.
How you feel really affects all aspects of your life.
My relationship with the hubs always improves when I'm feeling good.
My kiddos are happier because I do more with them.
So, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm jumping out of this funk.
I am taking control of my life.
I will not let the end of the year bring me down.
I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, but I felt the need to get it all out.
You know I'm working on my masters in counseling.
Part of counseling is talking it all out and being honest with yourself.
So, it is out and I already feel better.
Funny how that works.
It's my Friday!  Yay!!


  1. I swear, you read my mind while writing this!!! It's good that are your recognizing what sets you off (thank God I don't teach HS anymore) and working out a plan to make yourself feel better. Just remember you aren't alone with the struggles and lack of motivation. Keep up the good work!

  2. I'm right there with you!! This is exactly what I'm going thru the past couple of months. Only my stress comes from adoption waiting, husband off work with hurt back, and waiting for a refinance to go thru.
    Let's turn this around!!

  3. You know, I have definitely been where you are, and honestly, I still have those days sometimes. I love food, so even if I eat great all day, it just takes 1 second to throw me way off course. I know skinny meg is your irl friend- have you thought about doing the 10day cleanse? I just ask bc it was something I needed to do, WITH somebody to hold me accountable. I'm doing it may 5 if you want to join ....