Trying to move past the Number on the Scale

I haven't weighed in on the blog for the past 2 weeks.  I was trying to figure out why I hadn't talked about my weight and the first thing that came to mind was "well it was the holidays" and yes that is true and yes I did gain about 4 lbs, but that really isn't true.  I weighed in this morning .2 lbs heavier than two weeks ago.  It is so hard for me to get past the number on the scale.  Honestly, I have always been obsessed with the number on the scale and I continue to weigh myself daily....I cannot stop.   

A little background for you: 

I remember being pretty fat in middle school and hating how other kids looked at me.  I was called fat on the school bus a few times from some of the boys(I was a tomboy so I always hung out with the guys).  Right then, I decided I would not stay fat forever and I wanted to be pretty and thin in high school.  I was very athletic and loved sports.  I played soccer, volleyball, and tennis for years before deciding to only focus on tennis sophomore through senior year.  I loved it and believe me there is no better workout than playing tennis outside in 80-102 degree weather for at least 2 hours every afternoon. Welcome to Texas!  Sadly, I was so obsessed with losing weight and being thin that I didn't eat much.  I would hit the gym in the mornings for weights, skip breakfast, eat a small can of tuna fish and a few carrots for lunch, and then eat a salad or something similar for dinner.  I wouldn't even drink water while I practiced tennis because I didn't want to gain anything.  I am so lucky that I didn't have a heat stroke or dehydration and honestly I don't see how it didn't happen.  I know it was very unhealthy, but that was the only way I felt okay with my body and it just became my way of life.   

Fast forward to today and I still struggle with that damn number on the scale.  I tell myself "its just a number" or "it doesn't matter", but it still lingers in the back of my mind.  I told y'all a few weeks ago that I have been on a plateau for over a year now.  My weight has ranged from 152-155 FOREVER.  Last week, I got down to 151.6 and I started thinking maybe this is it, but this morning I was 152.2.  I have consistently been working my ass off at the gym and at home since December 2nd and I have been counting calories and mainly clean eating with pretty much no movement on the scale.  Discouraging? Yes!!!  

I have to move on and get past that girl in high school that was so unhealthy and I must keep going even if the number doesn't change.  Will I struggle with it everyday? Yes!  It is going to take a lot of effort to stay on track and not give up? Yes, but I WILL succeed.  My self worth is not determined by the number on the scale and I will not let it bring me down.  

I will be taking new body measurements on the 12th to see if those have changed.  That way it will be exactly one month since my last measurements.  Oh, on the bright side my clothes are definitely fitting better so Hallelujah!  Progress is progress even if it isn't a win on the scale.